God and PETA would not get along…
The waters maintained their crest over the earth for one hundred and fifty days, and then God remembered Noah and all the animals, wild and tame, that were with him in the ark.
Whaaaat!?! Couldn’t let this go without a comment. What on earth else was god doing that he ENTIRELY forgot about the single last family on the planet, who he forced to build a massive floating zoo, for almost half a year? This is literally the only thing going on. If I was in charge of a tub with a Tupperware full of bugs in it, I really don’t see myself going 150 days without being like, “Oh right, let me check on this insane thing I decided to do 6 months ago.” This would be especially true if I had somehow convinced the smartest family of bugs to actually build the Tupperware container, and then gather the other bugs into it before I turned on the faucet. God just doesn’t seem to care, and again he comes off absolutely uninterested in the trials of mortal beings.
Also, whomever owned this bible before me added a very entertaining question in the margin. So far I have found a few paragraphs underlined or bracketed, but apparently the story of Noah finally pushed this original reader over their limits of credulity. They skeptically wrote, “How can the whole world be covered in water?” Ironically, and hilariously, this is one of the few things in Genesis that does not offend science and was likely nearly true at one point in earths history…
Then Noah built an altar to the Lord, and choosing from every clean animal and every clean bird, he offered holocausts on the altar. When the Lord smelled the sweet odor, he said to himself: “Never again will I doom the earth because of man, since the desires of man’s heart are evil from the start; nor will I ever again strike down all living beings, as I have done.”
This bit comes immediately after Noah, his family, and all the animals get off the ark. Even though it doesn’t explicitly say so, I have to imagine some time has passed, otherwise Noah would’ve killed half of all the animals remaining on earth and the repopulation effort would’ve been over before it started. Noah still did apparently track down an individual member of every species he just worked to save, and then burned them to nothing but ash (the meaning of “holocaust” used here). Did god even ask him to do this? The bible doesn’t say either, but regardless these animals just can’t get a break. God murdered nearly all the animals on earth, then as a thanks for sparing him and his family Noah kills a significant number of their just burgeoning populations. And, apparently, it worked! God loves nothing more than the “sweet odor” of burning animal flesh.
As I’ve already kind of made clear, I love comparing God’s reactions to what we’d expect from our fellow humans. If I knew somebody who expressed their anger in bouts of animal cruelty, but then found peace and calm in the smell of those animals burning…I don’t know what I would do, call the police, I guess? Definitely not hang out with them anymore. Probably not worship them either. Besides the illegality of it all, it’s just not a very inspiring way to act. I am exceptionally unimpressed with god.
His little quote in the passage above is so pathetic, too. He blames the humans for his own murderous behavior! And his attitude is so defeatist. He claims to never want to kill all living things again, which is promising…but only because he no longer has faith in humanity? He is saying nobody should ever expect anything but evil from humans anyway, so why punish them for just being who they are? Also, does anybody else find it suspicious that the bible says, “he said to himself,” implying that somebody was somehow there to record what god was muttering under his breath? Don’t pretend like you can know the mysterious ways of our lord…or something like that…